I’m A Lifelong Conservative and I Wept Today.

I’m nobody special. A stay-at-home dad. I live in a small town. A Social studies teacher by training. I’ve been conservative as far back as I can remember. I’m probably more right or libertarian leaning than I ever have been before. The Donald Trump years have caused some reflection. 2016 saw me be a vocal “never-Trumper”. I tried to convince everyone who would listen in my conservative circle that Donald Trump was a danger to our republic. I didn’t endorse Hilary Clinton, nor did I vote for her in protest. I take my vote seriously and believe that it must be earned by the candidates seeking it. It’s sacred to me.

The last four years have changed my mind. I went from an adamant “never-Trumper” to a vocal supporter. Remove the rhetoric and hyperbole and anyone who is being truly honest with themselves would have to admit that President Donald Trump has been an effective and moderate President. He has ushered in historic peace agreements, championed criminal justice reform, and advocated for stimulus for those hurting from the Covid-19 pandemic. Not to mention that he was able to mobilize the American manufacturing and medical research industries so as to provide medical supplies and record breaking vaccine development to a desperate America. He presided over one of the greatest economic booms in modern American history reducing unemployment among all socio-economic backgrounds to record lows. He didn’t get us involved in a single foreign military conflict and brought more troops home than he sent into harms way.

The man has oodles of flaws,but I’ve learned to accept them because I made another realization that I hadn’t made before — President Trump is able to tap into something that no other president has been able to do in my lifetime. He made people that normally only get paid lip service feel heard. Most conservatives vote for Republicans because they are our best option at having representation. But the truth is that no one wants to listen to or be conservative these days — it’s too hard and there is no fun in it. You have to say “no” a lot to do it well. We’re vilified in media and called nazis and white supremecists in the social media sphere. The opposition thinks we’re being fooled and are dumb enough to fall for it, but the reality is we mostly just want to be left alone. We want to work hard and keep as much of what we earn as possible. We want to worship or not worship as we see fit. Protect our families and our property as we see fit. We want the rule of law to, at the very least, be respected. And we want our leaders to understand that they serve us, not the other way around. We are born of an independent spirit and do not want to be ruled. The Left doesn't deem us capable or competent enough to be trusted with our own selves and has relished creating more government, securing their legitimacy and jobs by inserting themselves in our lives. The Left sees themselves as providers of democracy and freedoms, but they miss the fact that we have that without them and the government simply exists to make sure someone doesn’t come and take it away from us.

This brings me to 2020. A difficult year to say the least and we are resilient people with a history of grit and determination, but we can only take so much. Government officials took our livelihoods, our social networks, our community, and our churches. They muzzled the populace, allowed rampant looting, burning and rioting to go unchecked for months, and gave us a pittance to cover our bills. And then when people said ‘enough is enough’, the response was that we should shut up and take it. Do not question your leaders, we are keeping you safe. Listen to us or else… And for the most part, Americans said “ok, I have a little more in me, I can suffer a little longer if we can get out of this.” So then we voted, a historic and unprecedented election cycle that employed voting methods of questionable security. Election night saw irregularities of a level I never remember seeing before — water main breaks, vote dumps, count stops and barricades to poll watchers. This was followed up with a media so giddy in their victory against the “bad orange man” that they have failed to do their job and have been more interested in grandstanding and rubbing their victory into the faces of the 74 million Americans who they think are stupid. Our vote was supposed to be our outlet for voicing our minds and half of us believe it was stolen. To top it off, despite mounting evidence, no forum was provided for it to be heard…again, “shut up and take it.”

Which brings us to today’s tragedy. I was told by a friend that “all republicans should just apologize.” To which I asked, what should I apologize for? My political beliefs, support of a candidate who I and half the country believe to be the leader best suited to lead our country? No, I won’t apologize for that. I also won’t apologize for events that I was not a part of. And I certainly won’t apologize for anything until I see even a semblance of contrition on the part of the media and political left. They sit there in their ivory towers scowling at us lowly citizens in righteous indignation at the audacity of a citizenry fed up with being ignored. No, you won’t get an apology from me. If I had been at the capital building during today’s rally, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have been with them because I get it. I’m mad too. This is what the political elite and the media don’t understand. They brought this on themselves. They have “otherized” half of America and we’re not going to take it anymore. We’re done being told to ‘shut up and take it’. We want our leaders to listen to those they serve. Sen. Ben Sasse, who I have supported for years recently wrote that despite a large number of his constituency urging him to object to electoral certification so as to force a forum for the presentation of evidence of election fraud, he would not do that as he felt it would set bad precedent. It didn’t occur to the Senator that this was code to his constituants for “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t care.” So no one listens and no one cares. Conservatives are an abused spouse. The Left calls us names, takes our freedom, and abuses our trust. But the GOP are almost worse as they are the sympathetic friend that tells us it’s going to be ok only to go behind our back and sleep with our abuser.

This is why in the corner of a bathroom so my kids couldn’t see me, I wept. I wept for my country. I wept from frustration at being ignored. I wept because this was completely preventable, if only our elected officials had taken the mandate of our votes as a call to serve us and not a mandate to rule us. I wept because we’ve allowed social media companies, the media itself, and fringe groups to whip us up into a frenzy, dividing us and pitting our differences against each other, making it harder to see what unites us. I wept for my kids, because it’s not supposed to be like this and I want better for them. I wept because I love my country, its history and its promise of a shining city on a hill. I don’t recognize it any longer. Its promise and beauty has been co-opted by a group that wish to destroy what made it special in the name of equality, social justice, or the environment. I wept. Then I picked myself up and played with my kids while making a promise to myself to do something about it. A promise to protect some semblance of what is great about America, so that they might grow up understanding what makes it beautiful and special. I made a promise to not apologize for my beliefs and world view because my kids need to see resolve and understand that you don’t change your view of the world or your beliefs because others think you should. So I resolve to stand by my beliefs but also to talk more to those who disagree with me because we need to learn to talk to each other again.